Fun with the English language
Update: Simon (who won't let me give him a silly description) found a good link as a follow up to this post.
FOUR ALL WHO READ AND RIGHT:
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
but imagine the feminine as being she, shis, and shim.
Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into! the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
*************
Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example...If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but cannot make one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all! but one of them, what do you call it -- one odd and one end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
Where else would you park your car on a driveway and drive your car on a parkway?
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FOUR ALL WHO READ AND RIGHT: We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose... Read More
Good Causes
Silly Stuff
The weather in Boston
that made my head hurt!
And I thought German was hard to learn...
My wife'll love this stuff. Thanks!
English is hands-down the toughest language to learn. Not only for the reasons you stated above, but, when compared to many other languages, it's also backwards with things like descriptors (i.e. the spanish phrase "el cielo azul" literally translates to english as "the sky blue", not "the blue sky" as we would say it).
Well, Jason, if I'm talking about the blue sky, then that makes them backwards, not us!!! Damn feriners.
Kidding!!!
Think of all of us poor guys who learn English as a foreign language.
I loved the poem. Does anyone know who wrote it?
_FOUR ALL WHO READ AND RIGHT_ sounds like a work of Ogden Nash. I haven't been able to find it among the collections I've checked, but I know I've run into it in the past.
The "Screwy pronunciations..." sounds lke the comedian "Gallagher," noted inventor of the Sledge-O-Matic.
Together In Nothingness by Michael Levy.
He told me I was nothing
because I was seeking something
And the something I was looking for was nothing
But I did not know where to find it
He said the moment you stop looking
you will find nothing
which is the something you are seeking
I replied:
did you play hide and seek when you were a child?
He retorted;
I was never a child because I am nothing
But my nothingness does not come at a cheap price
I am charging you by the second for my advice
I asked; If you are nothing then time does not exist
So I will pay you nothing
and then you will be a rich man in Joy!
He scratched his head and told me to Hiss Off!
Just go away and disappear
On departure I remarked;
Well, if you want to know the truth
I’ve never been here
I’m just an illusion!
Can I come back next week?
It was then I realized
I’d been talking to myself
in a dream
I looked down at my hand
in it was a ticket that read;
Admit one....Together In Nothingness