Bill collectors

me: "That's all well and good, ma'am, but you will be unable to schedule a payment until I have money to pay said payment."

f.f.b.c.c.w.: "And when will that be, sir?"

me: "I have no idea."

f.f.b.c.c.w.: "I'm confused, sir. Why are you unable to make a payment at this time?"

me: "I have no money."

f.f.b.c.c.w.: "Then can I schedule a time when you will know when you will have funds available?"

me: "That depends."

f.f.b.c.c.w.: "It depends on what, sir?"